Monday, July 18, 2011

Dear David

Dear David,

I apologize for the somewhat somber mood I am in as I type this letter to you. Your first birthday is in two days and although I am ecstatic to celebrate such a momentous milestone with you, my heart is heavy due to the culmination of recent events. It seems the past few months have been wrought with sadness for many of my friends. Death, sickness, deployment....the list goes on and on. Some of my most faith-filled confidants have cried through the phone, "I feel like God has abandoned me!" How am I supposed to answer? I have never walked in their shoes and have never had to grieve something so heart-wrenching so as to feel abandoned by my savior. But like everyone else, my time will surely come. And when it does, I will then understand the magnitude of hurt, betrayal, disappointment, and emptiness that pours out of their hearts and mouths right now. I just wish there was something I could do to bring comfort and peace. And so I pray.

David, I have to admit that I am quite envious of your position in the world right now. You are picked up, carried around, tickled, massaged, smothered with hugs and kisses, comforted at the breast, and rocked to sleep every night. You are learning to walk and sure, you fall down and scrape your knee...but that is the only pain you know. What I would give to keep every ounce of hurt, pain, and agony in this world away from you forever! I'm sure that is every mother's wish for her child.

When you were born, everyone reassured me that I would have enough love for both you and your brother. How silly of me to think I might not love you as much as him. The love a parent has for a child is indescribable and seems to multiply with each child born. Before I was a mother, this concept was impossible for me to grasp because the math didn't seem to work out. But now I wholeheartedly accept that love cannot be predicted, measured, or ever fully comprehended. It just is what it is.

For your birthday, I plan on baking you a sunshine cake. In one short year, you have managed to make every single person with whom you come in contact smile. I'm not exaggerating. You are, hands down, the happiest baby I have ever met. You smile because you are thrilled to be alive. What a different world we would live in if everyone had that mindset! You have touched the hearts and souls of so many people, David. The most incredible aspect of it all is that you have no idea the positive impact you've made. You've visited the sick and dying and you've brought joy. You've been to funerals and you've helped people smile through their tears. You've given prize-winning hugs to family and friends and the end of a long, tiring day. People want to be around you because you radiate positive energy and it's very contagious. And you're only a year old! You are truly my sunshine.

God has great plans for you, my dear.

What an honor it is to be your mother and observe the lively, charming, free-spirited way in which you take on the world. Don't ever lose your curiosity. Don't ever allow the fear of failure or defeat to stomp on your dreams. And most importantly, don't ever stop smiling. You will be the light in the darkness for many.

Happy birthday, sunshine. I love you with all of my heart.


1 comment: