Sunday, January 23, 2011

Things No One Told Me About Parenthood...

*That times speeds up the second you have children.

*That a baby could mess 6 outfits in one day.

*That my prayers to God would become so desperate ("PLEASE let this baby who's woken up five times in one hour go to sleep!")

*That I would actually take a picture of my toddler's first poop in the potty because I was THAT excited.

*That halfway to our destination when my toddler started screaming we'd forgotten his blanket, that I'd actually turn the car around because it was, in fact, a life or death situation.

*That I was so busy trying to get everything packed and everyone out the door that I left wearing pajamas and slippers.

*That there are 20 ways to burp a baby and that my mom will always do it better than me.

*That I would become such a light sleeper that I'd wake up to every sigh, yawn, or slight movement the baby made.

*That I'd never truly sleep again. At least not until they're grown and out the house...and probably not even then.

*That I'd turn into a diaper snob (go Pampers!)

*That I'd have a camera glued to my body at all times.

*That I'd feel a sense of accomplishment if everyone was up, dressed, changed, fed, and ready to go by 9 AM.

*That I'd hold out my hand so that my toddler could spit his chewed up food in it.

*That I'd somehow find strength in the scariest of situations so that my kids wouldn't be scared.

*That I would be puked all over and not even flinch.

*That I would know exactly where to step so that the floor wouldn't creak and wake the sleeping baby in my arms.

*That I could run outside and scowl at the neighbor for laying on his horn and and waking the baby.

*That my husband and I would play "Guess that toy" and actually be able to correctly identify each and every toy by its sound (from the other room).

*That I'd have the ability to heal any wound with a simple kiss.

*That a friend would dump me because I had kids and she couldn't relate.

*That yes, I would resort to bribes on occasion.

*That I would read every parenting book out there and still not find a suitable answer.

*That my toddler would have the ability to melt my heart and then frustrate me to no end in the span of one minute.

*That I would go driving at 11 PM just to get the baby to sleep.

*That I would breastfeed past a year because it was the right thing for us.

*That I would feel like a bad parent when my son had a meltdown in public.

*That I would be THAT mom with THAT kid on several occasions because that's just the way life is.

*That I would sing children's songs when my children were not with me.

*That I would give my time, attention, and love to my children and wonder if it's enough.

*That I was capable of loving on such an intense level.

*That I would start living in the here and now and appreciate the little things in life thanks to my kids.

*That I would become a confident mother with strong opinions on many parenting topics.

*That I would understand what my mother meant when she used to say that she'd lie, cheat, steal, and kill for her children.

*That I would become a very different mother than I thought I'd be...and happier than I could have ever imagined.

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